Too Rough for Heaven - Funeral Poem
and Memorial Tribute
Too Rough for Heaven - Full Text of the Funeral and Memorial Poem:
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TOO ROUGH FOR HEAVEN
We think a mistake’s been made
And we feel it’s right and proper
To inform you of this error made
And ask you to consider our offer
You see…you took someone from us
Who’s too rough around the edges
And would be better off on earth with us
Than up with you in heaven
And it wouldn’t be a hardship
For us to take him back
Just send him to us…safe and sound
And there’ll be no questions asked
We’re even prepared to list the reasons
That he’d be better off right here
And we’re sure when they’re considered
Your choice will be quite clear
He’s just not ready for heaven yet
Right now he’d find it quite a task
But if you’ll give him a few more years
We’ll work on fixing that
First, you’ll find he prefers a pair of jeans
And well-worn shoes or boots
To whatever it is that you wear up in heaven
Be it robes or business suits
For he’s much too hard a worker
To wear clothes like that…he’d make a fuss!
And though you need hard workers in heaven
He’d still be better off with us
Second, when you consider
The language for which he’s known
His colorful words would shock the angels
So you might want to send him home
For though you’d respect that he speaks the truth
And “says things as they are”
Frankly, we need truth like his here on earth
Heaven is just too far
He doesn’t have perfect table manners
So this really isn’t the time
Alt. Verse: He prefers beer to a glass of wine
For him to join your heavenly feasts
Alt. Verse: He's just not ready for your heavenly feasts
His manners aren’t that refined
And we realize you appreciate his kindness
And the respect he’s rightly earned
From those of us privileged to know him
But it’s one more reason he should be returned
Yes…his family knows his heart of gold
And you’re right…there never existed a truer friend
Okay…we can see why you want him up in heaven
But he’s someone, upon which, we depend
And so we, his family and dearest friends
Are asking you to change your mind
Give us a few more years with him
And we’ll smooth his rough edges over time
And you may feel he’s already ready
To be with you forever
Yet even knowing his goodness
We can’t bear to lose him either
So give us a decade…or two…more with him
That’s all we simply ask
Please return him to his family and friends
For we’ll gladly take him back!
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